One week down...a lifetime to go...

What a week... personally, I feel like I have kicked butt.



I posted about being FAT on my other blog... I got a lot of ... "Ooo your not FAT!"



First. Umm, yes I am..

Second... The point of the post was not to have everyone tell me that I am not fat... I was just throwing it out there for ME....

I had a couple of people stop following me after that post... Hmmm.. Because they didn't want to read another diet post or because they thought I was whining?



For me... I am bigger than I have been in my adult life without being pregnant... I am about 10lbs less than I was when I delivered my son.... & about 45 lbs more than when I got married.



As I mentioned before I have been on a "diet" pretty much my entire life... starting at the young age of 5....



For the past almost 20 years, I have had a 30 lb up & down... meaning I have lost THE SAME 30 lbs OVER..& OVER & OVER.... except this time... now I am looking at about 40.. 50 if I am honest with all (both) of you...



I am honestly afraid that if I don't do something NOW, next year I will be 60 then 70lbs overweight.



Why is it that I have never gone below those 30 lbs... & why do I allow them to come back?



I have a pretty good idea... when I lose those 30 lbs... (although I could stand to loose a few more...) I start feeling REALLY GOOD... I start feeling like I can eat like everyone else... & I just get comfortable.... & that's when the weight starts coming back...



Although I look GOOD 30 lbs lighter... I am still not comfortable in bathing suits... ( I will wear them, but don't feel GOOD) I will NOT wear anything sleeveless EVER... & only wear t-shirts with out a sweater when I MUST....



I feel like my entire life has been finding camouflage... how to hide my arms & my fat back... I am just tired of it...



My GOALS as of right now are....



Have my suites for work be comfortable... (be able to close them without looking like a stuffed pig)



Wear my wedding band, which I haven't been able to in 5 years... (since I got pregnant with #2)



Oh ya, & feel good for my Office Christmas party....



But more important, I want to FEEL GOOD I have felt like crap for so long I don't remember what it is like to feel good.



I am/have always been the "BIG GIRL" I was the BIG one at school, I am the BIG one out of my sisters... I am the BIG one at the office... I am just tired of identifying myself with being big...



But now for the GOOD NEWS... as of today I am 4 lbs down from last Wed. HOLY SMOKES... must be something wrong with the scale... Or maybe, just maybe I am doing something right this time...



I have been walking EVERY DAY...& think seriously, I am addicted to it... I have already planned my next walk... & am starting to figure out when i will be able to walk without kids tomorrow...



I walked an hour today (Sun.)

2 hour hike up the mountain (Sat.)

45 min walk (Friday)

1 hour on (Thursday)

45 min (Wed.)



I was going to bring my shoes & walk durning my break while I am at work today... but it was too cold... Or maybe I am afraid of this crazy walking woman I have become?



I have quit SODA COLD TURKEY... (since Wed.) I am a soda ADDICT I can drink 1.5 lt a day...some days more... But since Wed. NADA...

I downloaded a Loose Weight hypnoses... & gosh darnit... I think it is working...

My husband thinks I am a kook... But if it has helped me, for whatever reason... I will take it...

I am really trying to think of this as a lifestyle change... & not a diet (as we have all heard a million times before....) I am trying to brace myself for the long haul. Which means... not weighing myself everyday... I am wanting BIG things to happen, big changes & big weightloss & when it doesn't all fall off in a day, I tend to beat myself up about it....

I WILL NOT weigh myself until Wed. PROMISE....

Made some Good Choices for myself this week... Yippee!